Death is never easy to explain to a child. However, for children with autism, it can be even more difficulty. Children with autism have a hard time understanding abstract concepts. Then, there is the fact that they take spoken words very literal. Then of course, with the processing delays that some children with autism have, it may be days, weeks or months before you find out exactly how what you said was translated to your child. I found out last night, several weeks after we had discussed death!
"I love you Brandy!" Pook expressed to his best friends mother. She and I both melted and smiled. As she came towards him to hug him, he declared, "I'm gonna cut your head off and put you in my heart forever!"
She froze. I froze. She looked at me and asked, "What did he just say?"
"I'm gonna cut your head off and put you in my heart forever!" he said again, making sure we understood him.
Frantically, I searched through my own memories. When had we talked about dying? When had we talked about heads being cut off? When had we talked about people being in your heart forever?
Then, it hit me. I had told Pook several weeks ago during our talk about death, that when someone you love dies, they stay in your heart forever.
With Halloween around the corner, Pook has noticed the gruesome yard displays and asked questions about them. Hence, the chopping off of head conversation and how it would resort in death. (I'll stay off my soap box about gruesome Halloween displays for the moment)
So, in Pook's mind, if he wanted someone he loved to be with him forever, they had to die. Then they'd be in his heart forever.
I have no doubt that my loving sweet child had no intentions whatsoever of harming anyone. He was just trying to tell her that he loved her so much that he wanted her in his heart forever. But then, I doubt we'll be seeing that sentiment expressed in his words on any Valentine cards!
