Tuesday, January 31, 2012

15 Years Later


It's odd the things you remember in life.

I was in the passenger seat of an old, green Ford pickup truck. We were in the drive-thru at Burger King and I was insisting there was no way that I could eat anything, not even a bite. Yet, it was argued that I was pregnant and I needed to keep my strength and my sugar up. A song came on the radio and as I listened to the lyrics I began to cry. Tonight, writing this, I remember what food I was given at Burger King. It was a bacon, egg, and cheese croissant. I remember what I was wearing....a black shirt with a gray striped dress over it. Yet, I can't remember that song.

We went to meet our group of friends before heading to the funeral home. I knew I wanted that song to be played at the funeral. Pam agreed, and it was played. Yet now, almost 15 years later, the name of the song won't come to mind.

Exactly 15 years ago today, a beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed, six year old boy was murdered. Six years old....the same age my son will turn in three weeks. My son, who has blonde hair and blue eyes. My son who climbs, jumps, flips, and does stunts proudly and with no fear.....just like Jordy did 15 years ago. My son who asked today if he could watch Power Rangers on Netflix. Power Rangers....a show he's never seen, but that was Jordan's favorite.

Jordan's picture sits on the cabinet in my dining room. The picture frame has a motherly angel down the side of it. An angel.......the first time I saw Jordan the sun was shining on his blond curls, and I thought to myself that he looked like an angel. Those words would come back to me when I heard of his death.

I should've known. There aren't many things that can make multiple grown men cry. Yet, all they told us was to go to the pay phone and call Dan. So, we did. I remember thinking it was someone in their family.....their aged father perhaps. But I remember when I heard the person beside me say, “No, it can't be. Are you sure?” Then they looked at me, and suddenly I knew....it wasn't his family member. This was someone I loved. Yet, when he said the name in that horrible sentence, I didn't want to believe. Yet, somehow I felt it......inside.....where the core of all you are exists.

I was sitting in the passenger seat of a car, a small gray Honda. I doubled over in physical pain. I felt it.....the pain....it was driving through me. I raised my head and looked out the windshield. It was dark out, late. Most people were sleeping. Yet, I noticed lights coming on. Inside lights, then porch lights. I looked around for the source of what was waking everyone. I could hear it.....it was this primal scream that sent chills down my spine. It scared me. Even after I was taken back to the house and calmed down, I still didn't realize the screams I heard were my own. That would come to me later.

Each year, right after my birthday, I start to think about Jordan. I think of him often through the year, but towards the end of November I remember. Jordan's birthday is towards the end of November. The holidays. I think of him all through Christmas. He used to lie on the living room floor with me to watch the patterns the lights made on the ceiling. Then, into January....this month. Today.....15 years.

The news reporters all called it, “the worst case of child abuse in North Carolina history”. None of us would argue that point. We saw, we knew, we had tried to save him.

She is behind bars. Two consecutive life sentences and up for parole 25 years after her conviction date. She still claims to be not guilty. Facing the feelings I felt towards her was almost the end of me. God showed me that hating someone, seeking revenge.....that only destroys the hater and not the hated. I almost lost myself learning that lesson.

There are lots of lessons to be learned. There are some lessons that should never have to be learned. Jordan's death taught us all lots of lessons that we didn't need to know. It taught us a level of grief that to date has yet to exist anywhere else in my life. I'm sure those that love Jordy would agree.

I know that no matter how I write the words that come next, that they won't be able to convey the emotion behind my pleas. I know that words can't show you the tears that I shed as I type this. I know that words can't make you feel that pain that is still there.....in the core of my very being. I know that words won't allow you to hear the longing in my voice when I beg you to please do this one thing for me....for Jordan.

If you suspect child abuse, please please please seek assistance. Do not just pick up the phone, call your local Child Protective Service office, make a report, hang up and walk away. FOLLOW UP!! Call back, make sure it was investigated, make sure that the workers know you aren't going to forget. Let your presence be made known. Is the child in school? Report it also to the school. Is the child in daycare? Report it there. Do you happen to know who the child's pediatrician is? Report it there. Is the child school age but not in school? Report it to the truancy officer. Call the police. Call and report it to everyone you can. Each person you report it to will have to document the report and possibly investigate the allegations themselves. By reporting it to multiple people, you just gave that child that many protectors! Keep a ledger documenting what you saw....dates, times, who was with the child, what the abuse/injury was and never let that original out of your site. Include the dates, times and names of the people you reported the abuse to. Make copies to give to those who need it, but hold on to that original so that you hold those dates and times. So that if something else happens to that child, there are people that can be called who are able to move quickly to help the child. So that if the child is not protected by those in charge of protecting children, then there is a record of who to hold accountable.

Between 2006-2010, the average child mortality rate due to homicide was 52. That's 52 children dying each year as a result of child abuse. Homicide. Murder.

You can make a difference. You can save a life. You can do it for any reason you want, or you can do it for Jordan. It doesn't matter to me at all what your reason is, just please.....if you suspect child abuse, do something about it.  

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Update

I apologize for being so slack and not keeping this blog updated more. We went through a spell where Keeg, Pook's older brother was battling his health condition again that kept me busy. Then we had a family crisis and after that, I ended up in the hospital for a week and am only just getting back to my self!

We've had quite a few things happen in the last several months. First, I'll start with the chiropractor visit. We discovered that the top vertebrea in Pook's neck is slanted at a sharp degree upwards. This could, in fact, be blocking signals from flowing from his brain to the rest of his body like they should! This is big news for us.

You see, Pook's head has always been super super sensitive to touch/pain. However, from the neck down, he feels no pain at all. He's cracked his elbow when ice skating, and never once said it hurt! He sliced through the tendon in his pinkie finger, and never complained of pain! His neurologist has long said that he felt there was something blocking the signals that are supposed to flow freely between his body and brain.

So, can chiropractic help? We're hopeful that it can. So far, we have noticed changes in Pook, but have no way of knowing what is due to chiropractic and what isn't!

Now, let's talk about phonics. Pook still doesn't comprehend that each letter makes a distinct sound, or that putting those sounds together forms words. However, he is recognizing sight words on his own. He knows and can spell many words now, some of which are off, on, out, and exit. He picks the words on his own and once he says he knows it, he's retaining the information!! As you may recall, Pook typically gains new information but then looses it. Hopefully that's not going to happen anymore!

Also, Pook's memory has always been above and beyond, but now he can articulate the things he remembers even better. He has told us about events that happened when he was as young as 6 months old! He remembers details so vividly that there is no mistake that these are his memories and not something he just overheard. It's pretty spectacular (isn't God amazing!).

Pook also is starting to understand different emotions and the part they play in his actions. This is a huge leap for him and it's making things so much easier! He's started to express guilt when he does something wrong, and genuinely feels remorse for his actions that hurt others. There is still a significant delay in the amount of time between the actual action and his emotions catching up to it, but we're getting there and that is a start.

At this moment, it really seems that his Auditory Processing Delay is causing most of his frustrations. He acts on impulse, and then will cry for long periods of time upset about his action. He tells me, "I not want to do that, my body made me" or say that his "brain made me". My heart breaks for him when this happens. He's starting to realize that his actions have a bearing on others, and to feel that he can't control these actions is very upsetting to him.

He's only just now started addressing the issues he has resulting from the recent division in our family. He doesn't speak about his emotions, except to say that he misses Daddy. The rest of the emotions he discusses he puts on the other person. For example, if he was mad at me, he'd say "Mommy has a mad face". It can get confusing at times, but we're figuring it out!

Overall, Pook is making progress each and every day and I am thrilled! He's come a long way. One of his medial specialist told me recently that he'd have never come this far if I hadn't started his therapies so young. I encourage each parent to challenge any specialist or insurance company that wants you to wait until your child is older for therapy. Early intervention makes such a big difference. Fight for your child, cause at the end of the day, you're the only one that will.