You wake on a typical weekend morning.
Your children are sleeping as you prepare breakfast. At 8:30am you
head upstairs to check in on your 14 year old son. A child with a
huge heart and beautiful smile, your heart breaks for him often. He
has Asperger Syndrome and struggles with the feelings that come from
not being accepted by your peers. He is very intelligent, which only
seems to fuel the problem. Even adults look at him, and due to his
intelligence, expect more from him then he is capable of. How do you
explain to a child that only things logically, that the reason people
shun him, or get frustrated with him, is simply because he is
different? There is no logic in that, yet it is the simple truth,
unfair that it may be.
These thoughts bombard you as you
slowly walk up the stairs, wondering what today might be and how you
will be able to help your son. You open the door as you call softly
to him to wake up. With a start you realize that he isn't in bed. You
step back into the hallway, figuring he was in the bathroom, or maybe
downstairs somewhere. You call for him several times, with no answer.
You aren't really worried. It's not
uncommon for your son to get up and go walking. It helps to soothe
him, comfort him. You hope he grabbed something for breakfast before
he left. He's struggled so much lately, he doesn't understand why
people treat him the way they do. He doesn't understand why the world
is so different then what he can understand or relate to. As you head
back into the kitchen, you pray again the prayer you've said so many
times, “Please God, help me find a way to help my son”.
Your laptop is sitting on the table.
You slide it over to you and post a quick comment on Facebook, asking
anyone that may know where your son is to get in touch with you as
soon as possible.
The hours tick away and you still
haven't heard anything. Your son doesn't typically stay gone for this
long, and you are starting to worry. You've had this nagging feeling
that something isn't quite right ever since you discovered that he
wasn't in bed this morning. You've been shoving it aside, but now
your starting to wonder if you should pay more attention to it.
An associate from work calls you. It's
doubtful she's heard that you posted on Facebook asking for info on
your son's whereabouts, and you don't really want to get into it on
the phone with her. You answer the phone, and in a style true to her,
she starts babbling about traffic being backed up on the interstate.
She is talking over excitedly and very fast. To fast for your ever
growing stressed emotions to keep up with. You vaguely hear her tell
you how traffic was stopped because of a body found on the side of
the road, and how it'd been there for hours before anyone bothered to
call 911. You finally tell her that it's been a very bad morning for
you, and that you have to get off the phone.
No sooner have you hung up your phone
then panic seizes you. Didn't your friend from work just say that the
body found had red hair? Surely she'd have said it was a teenager or
a child if it was your son. But, she said it had been there for
hours....hours! Oh no, she also said it was near where you live! That
can't be your son. Oh please Dear God, don't let that be your son.
You quickly snatch the phone back up
and call the local police department. You explain that your son, your
son that has red hair, is missing. Your transferred to an officer,
who asks you a ton of questions and then quietly tells you that two
officers are already in route to your home to get a statement.
There is a knock at the door. You
didn't hear the car pull up over the phone conversation. You quickly
run to the door and yank it open. As your mind registers that it is
two police officers, you stand on your tip toes to look over their
shoulder, praying that your son is standing behind them.
The tallest of the two officers look at
you with pity and an emotion that can only be sadness as he asks you
to step inside and find a seat. This can't be happening! Something is
wrong! Where is your son? That body on the side of the interstate can
not be your son!
You listen to the officers' words, as
if you are detached and standing a few feet away from yourself. It
seems that your son is the “body” that your friend told you
about. The police haven't pieced it all together yet, but it appears
that your son jumped from the bridge that goes across the interstate
at around 3:30am. He was hit by a tractor trailer. Through the next
several hours, until sometime in the afternoon, traffic went on as
usual. People noticed what appeared to be a “large animal in a pile
of clothes” but didn't have time to report it. Others thought it
was a body, but again were to busy to pick up their cell phones and
call 911, much less turn around to check. It wasn't until afternoon
that someone stopped and called 911 to let them know that a body was
on the side of the interstate, where it had lain since
3:30am.....alone and hit by several vehicles. The clothing matches up
to your son's clothing. There isn't any reason to do an
identification, the police will use medical means to finalize that it
really is your son. The police are certain it is suicide.
The next day, our best friend stops by
to let you know that the story was in the newspaper again. This time
the article states that the body that held up traffic for hours was a
14 year old that committed suicide. At the very bottom of the
article, almost as an afterthought, it reads, “the teen was taking
regular medication for Asperger's Syndrome and autism”. You look at
her incredulously. Your son committed suicide due to the challenges,
and lack of treatment, he faced having Asperger Syndrome, and it was
only mentioned at the very bottom of the article as an afterthought?
A Sargent said that your son was taking medication for Asperger
Syndrome when there are no medications available to treat it, as if
it's something that requires a magic cure? Why wasn't it mentioned
that your son being treated like an outcast and different, not just
from his peers but from adults, impacted him daily? Why didn't the
article talk about how tons of parents around the country are finding
themselves without the resources or tools necessary to help their
children? Why didn't the article list the few available resources for
this area? Why didn't it reach out to other families going through
something similar, other families that every day fear their teen with
Asperger Syndrome might also commit suicide?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I wish I could say that I just made up
this story. However, I am saddened beyond words to say that I didn't.
This happened here over the last few days. As a mother frantically
searched for her beloved 14 year old son, motorist to busy to call
911 were driving by his battered and tattered body.
A newspaper quoted Sgt. G.A. Barger of
the North Carolina State Patrol as stating that the child was taking
medication for his “Asperger Syndrome and Autism”. To date, there
are no medications available to treat Asperger Syndrome. There is no
cure for Autism, and many parents advocate that a cure isn't needed,
merely the perception of “typical” people to change.
People have already started to judge. A
mother states that she has a child with Asperger's and she doesn't
understand why the article mentions it at all as her son is “bright
and a joy to be around”. She wonders what Asperger Syndrome has to
do with his suicide, or any other news article that has mentioned it
recently. Another mentions medications and how they only “make
things worse”. Another poster states that anyone with Asperger
Syndrome wouldn't want that for the rest of their lives. Yet another
newspaper article states that the child “suffered with
Asperger Syndrome”.
There are so many things I want to say.
I want to scream that children with Asperger Syndrome wouldn't suffer
if it weren't for the judgements, criticizing, and mistreatment from
“typical” people. I want to scream that there is not a medication
for Asperger Syndrome. I want to scream that Dan Akroyd, Bill Gates,
Daryl Hannah, Satoshi Tajiri, James Durbin, Paula Hamilton, Peter
Howson, Clay Marzo, Les Murray and others all have Asperger Syndrome.
There are so many more, Al Gore, James Taylor, Bob Dylan, Robin
Williams, Andy Kaufman, Hans Asperger, isaac Asimove and more. Do
they seem to “suffer”, need “medication”, or need a cure? I
want to scream that popular belief feel that Abraham Lincoln, Bobby
Fischer, Benjamin Franklin, Marilyn Monroe, Henry Ford, Isaac Newton,
Jane Austen, Vincent Van Gogh, and Virginia Woolf all had Asperger
Syndrome. How can all these people be broken and need a “cure”?
How can all these people not want to live simply because of their
diagnosis?
I want to scream at the world that I am
the mother of the sweetest, kindest, most caring teenage son. I want
to scream how his intelligence level is through the roof, but how he
lacks an understanding of social concepts. I want to scream out how
he tries to engage his peers in conversation, but the “typical”
teens shun him simply because he is different and different isn't
“cool”. I want to scream at the world that different is not bad
or wrong.
Yet, instead I will stand here and
speak for the family that is to grief stricken to speak for
themselves. I will stand and say that my son has Asperger Syndrome
and that his life has been difficult. I will stand and speak out and
let others know that my son's life, and the life of other teens with
Asperger Syndrome, is difficult because others refuse to accept
different as being acceptable. I will stand and tell others that you
can not say you are scared of someone with Asperger Syndrome because
of what one child with Asperger Syndrome did months ago, but instead
you should stand up and help find a way for these children to have
available the resources they need to help them succeed.
I am the mother of a child with
Asperger Syndrome.
I am proud to be the mother of a child
with Asperger Syndrome.
I support ALL parents of children with
special needs.
I won't ever quit speaking up for my
children's needs.
Always remember, if you've met one
child with Autism, then you've met ONE child with Autism. No two
children on the Autistic spectrum are alike, no two children with
Asperger Syndrome are alike. One thing they all share though,
resources are not available to help them reach their full potential.
Nor do they experience the acceptance in society that they should.
Please, don't be one of the passive
people that sit by and judge and criticize. Stand up today and speak
out.
For resources regarding Autism Spectrum
Disorder, you can follow the links below:
Autism Speaks Social Network for on-line chats with other parents in similar situations. Some use it to pose a specific question and get feedback, while others utilize it as a support group.
Autism Speaks Tool Kits http://www.autismspeaks.org/family-services/tool-kits
Autism Speaks Family Services web link - http://www.autismspeaks.org/family-services
Other Resources:
http://www.yourlittleprofessor.com/friendship.html
http://www.yourlittleprofessor.com/teen.html
http://teenautism.com/category/puberty/
http://www.aspires-relationships.com/. It seems to have a wide variety of resources that may be helpful.
There is an excellent online support group called GRASP – The Global & Regional Asperger’s Syndrome Partnership. http://grasp.org/page/grasp-support-groups.
You can contact me at any time for questions, support, or information at pathsfrommysoul@gmail.com
