Dental Health Guidelines for Children on the Autistic Spectrum

The Dental Health Guidelines document is a printable pdf file, you can view Dental Health Guidelines regarding children on the Autistic Spectrum. This is from the United States Department of Health and Human Resources and provides a lot of good information!


Click HERE

We're Not Alone

"We" are not alone. 

Who are "we". 

"We" is the mother that wonders how she'll ever be able to raise her child with the skills he needs in this world when his brain and body won't aide in this demand. 

"We" is the child whose sibling can go from hugging to hitting in less time then it takes to blink an eye. "We" is the same child that understands this behavior is beyond their siblings control, but at the same time can't help but feel that their sibling "never gets in trouble for doing bad things". 

"We" is the newly married into family member that really doesn't understand what is going on and feels totally inept when it comes to actively participating in the life of the family member with special needs. 

I could go on and on about who all "we" is. Instead, I want to direct you to a blog presented by the Sibling Support Network. Here, you will be able to have a small glimpse of the world through people who have siblings with special needs. 

I encourage you to take a few minutes to read the stories posted on this page. To often the siblings of a child with special needs are forgotten. Although parents are offered assistance and support, most people don't realize the struggles and sense of responsibility faced by the siblings of the same child. 

I watch each day as my two older children face a greater sense of responsibility then any child should face. I see the struggle within them. Their longing for the freedom most children their age get, while feeling guilty that they'd want anything that would take away from meeting the needs of their younger brother. I see their love and compassion for their younger brother, even as they are tired from their day of helping avoid meltdowns and uncontrollable fits. I see their working each day to provide their younger brother with a calm environment, and their despair when despite their best efforts, he still "loses it". 

Please, take a moment to go to the following website and peer through the eyes of someone that has a sibling with special needs. 

Sibling Stories

5th Birthday

Well, in 5 more minutes it will by my "baby's" 5th birthday. 

I remember when my first child (now a teenager) turned 5 years old. It was such a huge feeling. I was the mother of a 5 year old. 5 indicates so much....the starting of school, the transformation from toddler to child, the first marker of a separation from mom. 

And now, my baby is turning 5. This is the third and last time this event will happen in my life. He is the last child I will have carried within the womb I no longer have. He is, and forever will be, my "baby". 

Pookie has come a long way. He still does not have a precise diagnosis, something we hope to change this year. He still gets frustrated when people don't "hear" him (his explanation of others not understanding). He has never been able to quit moving, even in sleep. He is obsessed with ropes and often reminds me of Linus with his blanket. 

Pookie has taught me that life doesn't have to be scheduled. That sometimes a child really can not control their actions. 

I've listened to him recently beg me to tell him why he does "bad" things when he doesn't want to. He looses total control when he's in an emotionally charged, or his senses are overloaded. Although I hope that his realizing he is losing control will help us in the path to be able to find alternative behaviors, my heart breaks at his agony. 

I'm flooded with emotions thinking of all that his 5 years has brought him. I am heartbroken that for so long he's been unable to articulate any of his emotions, and now that he can it's clear he is fighting a battle within himself that I don't know how to help. 

I want each of you to stop a moment and reflect on the judgment calls you've made in your life. I want you to think of the mother you saw shopping in the grocery store while her infant screamed. How you thought she should leave and come back later when her infant was calmed. Realize that it could have been me you saw......a mother who had no choice but to shop with her screaming infant........an infant who did not stop screaming until he was 16 months old. 

Think about the child you saw lying in the floor thrashing and screaming. You said to yourself that if it were your child you would know what to do. Yet, that to could have been Pookie. A child who feels pain at light and sounds when others don't even notice. 

How about the two parents who were holding their child down and fighting to get the straps fastened in his carseat? What did you think when you saw them? That could have been us........our hearts breaking when holding him down knowing that the straps were causing him agony, yet knowing we couldn't sit in the parking lot for hours, or days, until it wasn't so bad for him. 

Maybe you saw the child who starting hitting everyone when they spoke, only to have the mother hold him close, whisper in his ear while rubbing his arms and back. Maybe you thought that she was encouraging his behavior,when in reality she was offering feedback stimulation in an effort to help his brain process the information it was stuttering on. 

I was that person before Pookie came into my life. I was the mother who had raised two very well behaved children. I was the mother who was stopped in the store by strangers to be told what "well-behaved" children I had. I was the one stopped and told how "impressed" people were with my little angels. 

I was the person who looked at the screaming child and words like "spoiled" would come into my mind. I was the person who thought the child who slapped their parents deserved swift and harsh discipline and looked down upon the parent that seemingly condoned it. I was the person who looked upon seemingly ill behaved and ill mannered children and blamed the parents. I was the person who, if the child looked "normal", then the child should behave "normal". 

I am now the parent with the child that is sometimes judged as "spoiled". I'm am now the parent that is sometimes hit, kicked or bitten and judged as not offering strict enough discipline. I am the one blamed for not being an effective parent due to my child seemingly being ill behaved. 

Yet, I am also the parent that understands that my child begins each and every single prayer he says with, "God, please help me be nice."  I am the parent that knows that my sons heart aches when he causes others pain and that he cried out to understand why he does these things without being able to control it. I am the parent that knows that seams in socks, tags in clothes, a soft wind, light, sound, or even the hum of a car engine causes my son pain in a way we can never understand. I am the parent who longs for others to understand. 

I am the parent that is pleading with you to stop and rethink the judgments you've made in your life. 

This week is "Make A Difference Week". I challenge you to change your thought patterns. The next time you see a parent shopping in the store with a screaming child, offer assistance. Can you help her load her cart with items while she holds her child? Can you help her through the checkout line or to load the groceries in her car? The next time you see a parent trying to strap a thrashing child into a carseat, again offer your assistance. Maybe you can get the child's attention for that split second it takes for the buckle to go "snap". When you see the child who strikes out at their sibling or parent and see the parents attempt to calm the child, walk up to the parent and tell him/her what a great job they are doing.

I challenge you, in honor of Pookie's 5th birthday to make a difference in the family of a child with special needs. Remember, not all special needs are visible. You can make a difference.

Upcoming 5th Birthday

Wow! Pook will be 5 years old. It's amazing when I think of how far he's come. Only through God's strength and grace could Pook have ever accomplished all that he has. 

We've had a lot going on lately and didn't get around to planning his party yet. So, tonight I asked him what he wanted on his cake. I'm not sure why I was surprised at his answer. He wanted a monkey cake, same as last year. He even wanted to same number on it, but I talked him into getting a 5. 

His gifts are quite simple. He wants the same "vroom vroom" bicycle (Hot Wheels Bike at Walmart) that he's wanted since last summer. He wants a yoyo that lights up, simply because his sister just got one. He wants more playdough and accessories (I doubt he'll ever have enough). Oddly enough, the only other thing he wants is a whistle with a pull out magnifying glass. 

I realized, once again, that having a child on the Autistic spectrum can simplify life at times. More then likely, I'll be making that monkey cake for years to come. I'm sure each present during the years events will include playdough. Overall, makes for a pretty simple birthday party. 

And, as I do with each of my children's birthdays, I'll think back to the glorious day they were born. I'll look at all their accomplishments, all their special traits and uniqueness and I'll realize that my life would be utterly void with out him. 

Thank you God for bringing Pook into my life and allowing me to learn more about life through him then I ever dreamed possible. 

Sensory Accomodation Suggestions

I ran across this Sensory Accommodation Suggestion page online today that I thought some of my readers might be interested in. Unfortunately, I've been unable to locate the website I got it from. I'll post the link to that site as soon as I run across it again. Click here to see the suggestion page.

In Memory of Jordy.........

 Typically, this blog is about Pook and living with his special needs. Yet, 14 years ago today something happened that drastically altered not only my life, but the lives of so many others. I'm dedicating this blog to children who have lost their lives due to child abuse. Due to the emotional impact writing this blog has had on me, I did not go back and proofread or spell check it and most likely never will. 

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14 years ago today..........I remember so clearly. It was late when I got home. There was a group of people there. I knew as soon as I saw them something was wrong. One of them opened the door and it was obvious he'd been crying. He told my then husband that he needed to go call his brother. Instantly, fear flooded me. What had happened? It must be one of his parents. What was wrong. 

We drove to the convenience store around the corner to use the payphone. I sat in the passenger seat, rubbing my hands across my swollen stomach that held my child. I was to be a Mommy soon. I leaned back against the head rest and smiled. 

Then, it happened. He gasped and made a choking noise. My head snapped up and I leaned toward him. "What is it?" I whispered frantically. He looked at me, shock and horror filling his face and said, "Jordy is dead". 

I looked around as I suddenly heard screams like I'd never heard before. They sounded so raw, so animal like. I watched as the houses around us begin to light up. I saw curtains pulled back and people peeking out. I was looking around frantically, trying to figure out where the screams were coming from while at the same time trying to process the horrible news I'd just heard. 

I realized that someone was telling me to calm down over and over again. I was being told to quit screaming. It still took a while for me to realize the screams were coming from me. Those raw, animalistic screams were coming from my own mouth. When that realization hit, it only served to sear the heartache and pain into my being. My baby within me was rapidly moving around. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and let the tears and moans escape unhindered. Jordy was dead. 

Jordan Bryant Bradshaw.......I remember the very first time I saw him. He was only a few years old. He and his mother were walking down the drive in front of the college. I didn't know either of them, but our mutual friends were there to pick her up and I was with them. The sky was brilliant that day. One of those days where big clouds cover patches of the sky so that when the sun shines through it is radiant and brilliant. The sun broke through the clouds and shone upon Jordy. His blond hair was radiant in the sun and it looked as if he was surrounded in an ethereal glow. I remember catching my breath and thinking that he looked like an angel. 

Jordy's mother and I hit it off immediately. I quickly became an almost permanent fixture at her home. It wasn't long before I was babysitting for her. She was attending college full time, raising two children with no financial help from their fathers, and was battling some health issues. I feel in love with Jordan and his sister and had no issues hanging out and helping. I remember so much. 

Jordan jumping and flipping through the house pretending to be his favorite power ranger. How he'd sit on the floor with his legs spread apart, leaning back on his hands as he watched television. I remember snuggling with him and his sister on the floor, watching Christmas lights make patterns on the ceiling. Laying outside in the summer watching clouds make shapes of favorite animals. Him teaching me how to play Sonic the Hedgehog on the Sega and laughing when I messed up. His laugh....you couldn't help but smile and laugh along. 

There was the time I caught him and a neighborhood friend peeing their name on the side of the apartment building! I put them both in time out in a corner. They were each in different corners, across the wall from each other. The neighborhood friend kept hissing to get his attention and encouraging him to sneak out the door. I was sitting on the couch reading a book, which I was sneakily peeking across in such a way the boys didn't know I was looking. Jordy resisted at first, but as most young boys will do in the midst of peer pressure, he quickly ducked out the door with the friend hot on his heels. They hadn't even gotten to the corner of the building when I poked my head out the door and asked, "Exactly where do you think you're going?" Jordan and I talked alot about peer pressure that evening, as he moped around the house grounded from outside play! 

Jordan was rambunctious and full of energy no matter time of day or location. Even bath time was an adventure, both for me and him. For him there were pirates, power rangers, and worlds created from imagination. For me there were frantic attempts to clean up the tons of water that splashed out of the tub and me constantly reminding him that water was supposed to stay in the tub (as if that ever happened). 

Jordan and his sister were a light in my world at that time. They were a reminder of what life was supposed to be like. Joyous, pure, innocent. God had placed them in my life to keep me grounded at a time when I desperately wanted to forget much. 

Yet, things changed. Jordy's mother had been receiving financial government assistance while attending college full time. She was a single mom of two and determined to get a college degree so that she could better the lives of her and her children. The government decided that since Jordy's biological father had never paid child support, they would get him to reimburse some of the financial assistance Jordan's family had received. They went after Jordy's biological father for years of back child support. Jordy's biological father was advised, most likely by his wife at the time, to sue for custody. In North Carolina, if you are being sued for back child support and win custody, you don't have to pay a dime of it. 

This was at a time when "welfare" moms were receiving a lot of media attention. Mothers who lived off the system indefinitely, never bettering themselves or their children. There was a stereotype and stigma attached to mothers who received government assistance and that stigma and stereotype followed Jordy's mother into the courtroom. She was made out to be a mother living off the system, lazy, unworking. It was brought up that her children shared a room, sleeping in bunkbeds (I have still to see the crime in that). She was put through the ringer and with no funds to afford great lawyers and legal advice, she was molded into the stereotype. Despite the fact that Jordy's father had never sought visitation or anything to do with his son, he was suddenly viewed as a father wanting to do "the right thing" for his son. Never did it come into play that he was suing for custody to avoid a huge back child support payment. In a twist that none of us thought possible, Jordy was ripped from the only family he'd ever known, and sent to live with his father. He was to see his mother and sister on weekends..........but that didn't work out either. 

Immediatly it was clear that something wasn't right. Jordy quickly lost his smile, the light in his eyes, his joyous rambunctiousness. He quite showing up to see his mother. At first there were excuses....he was sick, etc. But then those quit to. No one answered or returned phone calls and it was if Jordy had dropped off the face of the earth. People rarely saw him, and when they did it was terribly wrong. 

I remember the last time I saw him. I was at the local courthouse to pick up some paperwork. As I rounded the corner, there he was. All the way at the other end of the hall. I ducked behind a column and watched as his biological father and step-mother entered a courtroom, leaving him and his older step-brother sitting on a bench at the end of the hall. He sat quietly and still. It was the middle of summer and scorching hot outside, yet he wore a long sleeve shirt and pants. He was so still, head hanging down, eyes on his hands. I had to walk almost directly in front of them to get to the exit. I paused in front of the exit, and Jordy's step brother looked up at me. He recognized not only me, but the anguish and pain I felt at missing Jordy and longing for his return home. His step-brother looked around, making sure his family wasn't in sight, and quickly motioned for me to come over. I ran to Jordy, knealt in front of him and leaned in for a hug. He flinched and ducked, as if fearing harm. I lowered my head down towards his lap so that he could see me, and told him, "Jordy, it's me, it's Aunt Lissa." He slowly lifted his eyes to mine but it took him many seconds before he realized it was me. A small light flickered in his eyes. I reached out to hug him, yet quickly softened my grip when I realized that he was in pain. "Baby what's wrong?" Suddenly his face filled with fear and he seemed to shrink inside himself. His step-brother leaned over and whispered to me in a scared voice, "You gotta go. They can't see you here. Please, hurry." Confused, I nodded. Before I left I told Jordy, "Hold on. OK, just hang in there. I love you. Your mother and sister love you. You'll get to go home soon." 

I called Child Protective Services that very day. Something was wrong. Why did he hurt when I touched him? Why was he wearing long sleeved shirt and pants when it was scorching hot outside? Why was his older step-brother terrified of his mother and step-father? Why was Jordy so listless and quiet? What was going on? The woman on the phone listened to all that I said and then asked me if I knew either of Jordan's biological parents. I replied that I was friends with his mother. "And, the father has custody of the child?" she asked. "Yes, he does now." I replied. The next words stunned and shocked me to the core. "Well, since your his mothers' friend, we can't seriously consider your report. If anyone else makes a report suspecting abuse, we'll look into it." 

I didn't know what to do. I mean, what did Child Protective Services mean?? How could they not look into my report of abuse simply because I was friends with his mother? 

Over the next several months, things got worse. Jordy's mother saw him one day and his nose was pressed flat against his face. It didn't appear broke in the traditional sense, but looked like something was missing. She reported it to Child Protective Services. 

More and more reports came in to Child Protective Services, and yet Jordy remained in the home where he was obviously being abused. He completely disappeared, not even being seen by neighbors. Child Protective Services eventually sent someone to the home. The report documented severe abuse. Yet, the workers walked away, leaving him in the home. 

Jordan died only a few days later at the hands of his abusive step-mother. I found out that night, sitting in a old beaten gray Honda at a payphone only blocks from the hospital where his small beaten and starved body lay. 

The autopsy report was so long. It's burned in my brain even now, all these years later. The autopsy showed that abuse had taken place the entire time he lived with his biological father. There were broken bones that were never treated. His nose appeared flat against his face because the cartilage between his nostrils had been pulled out, piece by piece. His body was covered in bruises. His scalp showed through the bald spots in his head where his hair had been pulled out. Later labeled "North Carolina's worst child abuse case", our hearts broke as we said goodbye to Jordy. 

In a plea, his biological father was never charged in exchange for his testimony against his wife. He testified that he didn't stop the abuse because he was "scared" of his wife. His wife, Robin Gosnell, was eventually found guilty of first degree murder and sentenced to life in prison without parole. 

Yet, it didn't end there. You see, Robin had placed Jordy's lifeless body in a bathtub of water to make it look as if he had drowned and to make it where the time of death couldn't be accurately determined. She left Jordy there to be discovered by her biological son. Jordy's step-brother.....the same one who had seen me at the courthouse and aided in my being able to see Jordan. This compassionate boy, to who I will always be grateful and indebted for giving me one last chance to tell Jordy that we love him, took his own life 3 years later.

There were other children in the house during the years Jordy suffered abuse. I can't imagine the way that these events affected them throughout the years. I have seen how this tragic event affected Jordy's mother and older sister. So many lives have been touched by Jordan's senseless, abusive and tragic death. For those of us that knew him, it's left us with a space in ourselves that has never been filled. It's not an emptiness, because in that space we hold our memories of him. It's a space only he can fill, and one day, when we meet again, he will fill that place that we all hold for him. 

For those of you not familiar with the case, you may wonder what happened with Child Protective Services. Well, Jordan wasn't the only child that they neglected to save. Rowan County suffered the loss of 3 other children's lives.....the youngest was 16 months old, the oldest was 16. Each of these children had Child Protective Services involved. They each were killed within the first 6 months of 1997. Child Protective Services did get sued and did settle. They also got granted state and federal funds to hire more workers. At the time the deaths happened, there were only 4 investigative workers for the county. The grants enabled the Department of Social Services to hire more workers, for a total of 11 investigative workers. The Department repeatedly stated that these deaths would not have happened if they had enough workers. If this is the case, then residents of Rowan County need truly to be scared. Two years ago, 12 years after the death of these children, I asked one of the workers how many other workers there are. I was told that Child Protective Services has a total of 4 investigative workers. The same number they had in 1997 when four children died of horrific child abuse.....cases where Child Protective Services were already involved! 

Today, I dedicate my blog to Jordan Bryant Bradshaw, DeMallon Krider, Christopher Jones, and all the other children who have lost their lives to abuse. 

Jordy, I love you and look forward to the day I see you again. 

Pam, thank you for taking the time to pull me through and show me support at a time when it should have been the other way around. 

Tris...I'm proud of you and always will be.






http://www.amazon.com/Justice-Jordan-Robert-Hinson/dp/1890424137
http://www.salisburypost.com/2000nov/112000a.htm
http://www.aoc.state.nc.us/www/public/coa/opinions/2000/990646-1.htm
http://www.salisburypost.com/newscopy/061699lawsuit.htm

Sensory Issues and the Mouth

When Pook was younger, getting him to eat was such a big battle. I used to put jalapenos in his food so that he'd eat it. He'd stuff his mouth so full of food before he'd feel it that I was sure he'd choke (he never did). Now, it's easier to get him to eat. We still have bad days but for the most part he won't go more then 2 days without eating. A couple of years ago, I got this video of him.

Yesterday I got these photos of him.